raising grandchildren

a couple of weeks ago, i was sitting in a church meeting and the women were carrying on a very interesting discussion.  at this point, i can't remember what the topic of the lesson was, but the discussion had taken off on a tangent as they are bound to do.  at this stage in the lesson, the women were talking about how selfish it is of some women to not help "raise" their grandchildren.  i use quotations because that word was thrown about consistently.

this idea bothered me a bit.  i don't think it's the responsibility of a grandparent to feel like they have to help raise a grandchild.  influence, encourage, teach, help, love?  sure.  but i think wanting to raise your grandchildren takes away a much needed responsibility from the parent.  i am aware of situations where grandparents are actually raising their grandchildren quite a bit.  i have watched the evolution of the occasional babysitting go to full blown child care, to some physical and emotional responsibilities shifting from parent to grandparent.  i don't think this is right.  especially when the parent is entirely capable of doing a good job.  but hey, when you don't have to do the job - what's the point of doing it at all if someone else will do it for you?

extreme?  yes.  i want it to be known here that i understand the difference between extremes and that i recognize that the ladies in the discussion were well-meaning.

i do have a problem, however, with a lady's comment in particular.  she went on about how it should be the responsibility of the grandparent to help raise the grandchild, etc. and that it is selfish to not sacrifice your time when you need to help in this capacity.  she went so far as to refer to someone she knew (who would not help raise grandchildren, as she put it) as a "selfish old sack"  really?  in a church lesson?  at that point, baby b was getting upset and i took her out to feed her.

the next week, i found it ironic and very interesting that the new lesson led to a discussion on teaching your children to be self-reliant.  comments were made about creating work and even some stress in your child's life so they can learn to cope and deal with situations.  many of the same ladies went on and on about the importance of not making your child's life too easy so they would be able to handle stresses and situations that arise. 

does anyone else see the irony here?  i'm sure there is flexibility on both sides of this fence - it was just irritating that there seemed to be no happy medium between the two separate discussions.  and that the same women who felt so strongly about the first opinion felt just as strongly about the second opposing opinion.

thoughts?