a new perspective

last night, the husband and i took k and did some babysitting for friends.  they were out of town so we stayed at their place and watched their 2 younger kiddos, boys 7 and 4.  can i tell you a secret?  it was kind of fun having that feeling of "big" kids in the back of the car.  sometimes i think i am just plain old stuck in this phase we're in with just starting our family and raising the littles that i don't see what's coming.  things like t-ball and dance class and school and family vacations like the kind i remember.

i really really hope i don't sound like a huge whiner to all of you readers out there (and when i say "all of you," i do realize it's more like nobody but the crickets...) because the last thing i want to be is a complainer.  most of the time i really can't stand much complaining - especially about the weather!  but that's for another time...

i digress... bottom line, i really hope i don't just log on and post negativity all the time.  if that's how you feel reading, i do apologize. 

i kind of had an epiphany last night watching the 2 boys, though.  first, how great will husband be when he finally gets to have his boy(s) and second, how much fun life will continue to be with the family we are working on.  only having k right now, and the fact that she's stuck in those terrible two's (and by the way, i keep hearing the 3's are worse ... are they really worse???) it's easy for me to really get bogged down and sink into those nasty doldrums (anyone out there ever read the phantom tollbooth?  it was one of my favorite books as a little one) because i don't really see past the stage i'm in right now. 

here's another question: does anyone have any experience dealing with having a toddler and waiting on #2 to come?  is there such a thing as the pre-baby blues?  as opposed to the post?  sometimes i feel like grumpy bear and there is this cloud hovering just for me.

but really, has anyone had any experience with this?  sometimes i'll think back over the previous few days and it seems like i've been down the whole time!  is no fun!  and then i think, well it is just for now, it will get better when b gets here.  but then that fear creeps in - the one where i think, "what if i get the post-baby-blues?" and it sort of freaks me out.  so i go back into my denial cave :) 

mostly, the days are fine.  but when k is on a streak and doing whatever it is she wants to do, despite what mom says over and over, it's hard for me to bust out of the blues and look past the heres and nows.

if anyone has any suggestions, advice, or even "i've been right where you are!" i would love to hear about it.  thanks for reading!  

and i'll try to steer clear of any indulgent complaining - just try to keep it real :)